Center Theatre Group Blog

Mike Sablone is CTG’s Literary Associate, starting left fielder and third-string shortstop for Dark Monday, the CTG softball team.

I was an absurdly lucky kid who got to go to Disney World a lot growing up. My grandfather, many, many, many years ago, won the lottery. And one of the gifts he gave to my family was yearly plane tickets to visit them in Florida, where they would hibernate for the winter. So every year my sister, brother and I would get a free trip. Because of this my parents would treat us to Disney World each year, a phenomenal gift.

I’ve lived in Southern California for three and a half years now, and have never felt the urge to go to Disneyland. But recently a friend said that a group of people were going so I asked if I could tag along to see the park through (somewhat) adult eyes.

Crucial bit of information you need to know about me: I am a complete wimp. I hate scary movies. I hate fast roller coasters. I’m not a huge fan of heights. Which makes Disneyland the best place for me to go, since there are plenty of rides for people like me.

So I spent the day exploring the storybook rides. You know, the ones that tell the old stories you know so well, like Winnie-the-Pooh, Snow White, Pinocchio, and Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.

Here’s the thing. I’ve been on these rides before. I’ve seen these movies, read these books. Not in a long time, mind you, but I think I remember most of these stories.

At least I thought I did. Because each time the safety bar came up at the end of the ride, I was scratching my head.

I had no bloody idea what story they were telling.

Seriously. The Snow White ride? Absolutely, positively incomprehensible. As far as I could tell the Snow White ride is about a woman who hangs out with some dwarves and is chased, for no apparent reason, by a woman who may or may not be a hideous witch. What happens to that woman? To either women? To the dwarves? No idea. The ride just ends.

Winnie-the-Pooh? I think it’s Pooh’s birthday. And then, this part is a bit weird but I’m pretty sure they give Pooh some acid or peyote and proceeds to trip through his party. Don’t worry kids, he comes down from it. At least I think he does, in that the last 20 seconds is back to being “real.” With this ride I couldn’t even understand what the characters were saying. The only thing that was clear was Eeyore, which is amazing as he doesn’t speak until the very end when he moans about his gift. Way to leave em wanting more.

So after a 20 something year hiatus, what did I learn upon my return to Disneyland? That the phenomenal storytelling that Walt Disney always relied on is nowhere to be found in his amusement park.

Also, and perhaps more importantly, I learned that I am a terrible, terrible person to take to an amusement park. Seriously, who wants to go to a happy, fun, delightful place with a dork in glasses who, when exiting a ride loudly says: “Can someone please explain the story I was supposed to be following?”

Even the toddlers looked at me with disdain. Serves me right.

Tags: Disneyland, Literary Manager

This entry was posted on Monday, June 15th, 2009 at 4:11 pm and is filed under Center Theatre Group, Literary. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.